Everyone is
still talking about the Buhari-Aisha debacle. While many have expressed
outrage, others have been a bit more sympathetic. After all has been
said and done, all that’s left to do is reflect on the lessons we can
learn from the situation.
There
are a few relationship lessons this issue can teach us. The dynamics of
a relationship between a man and his partner and vice versa will always
be a very complicated but interesting one.
The
entire world has condemned Buhari for what he said about his wife. But
I’ve got to ask - what part of his statement is false?
He
says and I quote (also please note my emphasis) "I don't know what
political party she belongs to, but she belongs to MY kitchen, MY living
room and the other room". I don't think he faltered on this statement.
She does not belong to THE kitchen, living room or other room, but
HIS... She belongs to him, and he belongs to her and her wherever she
wants and desires too. HER Kitchen, living room, other room,
wherever...
As a woman, I do not belong in THE kitchen, but I definitely belong in my kitchen, which is also my husband's kitchen...
However
it is my opinion that he has been so concerned about the state of the
nation that he has forgotten to be a husband to his wife, as he has been
so consumed with his head of state duties.
He has forgotten to belong to her first, before the nation or at least find a way to balance both roles.
My husband Yinka Obebe, however; thinks she has failed the state and failed her husband by her statements. This is his opinion:
“I
think the actions of the wife of the President are unfortunately below
expectations. That we may not have had the best presidents in Nigeria is
a going discussion, but why do most of our number one wives have to be
comedians?
A woman will only call her husband out like that only because she has lost her place in the union.
It
is regrettable that it appears madam desperately needs some attention.
And she had to break down her husbands last line of defence to get some
media attention. Very selfish.
Looking at the matters:
1. The President doesn't know the people he appointed. - Does a president have to know everyone personally before appointment?
2.
His wife of 27 years doesn't know them either. - Oh this is getting
clearer, the appointment was supposed to be amongst friends, and the
unofficial first lady must also approve.
3. You will not support him in the next elections. - I think you already lost the man.
There is more to this matter, this is not enough to dry your husband in the sun.
After
insinuating openly that it appears the government has been hijacked, I
was wondering if she understands the treasonous nature of her statement.
So
they have finally caught the man in a corner, he fought back like any
one would, and he has uttered the abomination of the new world, "My wife
belongs in the kitchen.”
For
a moment I saw that BBC video and I didn't see a man whose government
has been hijacked, I saw a man who knows what this is all about and is
ready for whatever you want to bring.
Let's
not forget about those judges we need to catch, let us do away with
these silly distractions and ‘face front, get stuff done.’”
....
While I agree with the entirety of Yinka's points.. I also think it's a
very logical angle which a lot of men would hold on to. There is a need
to understand a woman's point of view on this.
I
believe her statements were not made thinking of the nation or anything
political. I simply see a WOMAN yearning for her husband. A woman who
did what she had to do (in fact impulsively too ) to get his attention.
This is a purely domestic issue tabled for the world to feast upon.
Women
are first emotional before logical in thinking. It is how we are
wired. This woman's emotional bank has not being catered to by her
husband or anyone else, if I may say so. Before she got to this melting
point, she must have explored other subtler methods... but chairman was
too concerned about Naija.
She
got to a point where she lost all reason… lost the sense of the weight
of the position and responsibilities of who she has now become: The
Wife of the President. The First Lady of Nigeria.
She
simply needed her man not a President, and no price was too much to
pay to make him realize that. In this, I believe she erred. She failed
in her role first as a WIFE of the president, secondly as a First Lady
(if there is any office like that), thirdly I think she has failed
women. Her outburst is not from a place of strength but from a place of
weaknesses. I wouldn't blame her much though. She must have been
really desperate enough to make him SEE her.
I tell you, a person can get really foolish out of pure desperation. Men, please don't get your women there.
So here is the bottom line:
Men, we know you like to hustle. Well, so do we.
Every
now and then you need to chill and tend to your woman, love her,
reassure her, sell her your vision and run with it together.There is no
stronger force than two working together as one. The Holy book says
one will chase one thousand and two will put ten thousand to flight. The
same book says “can two work together except they agree?”
When
a woman is drained, we damn it all and trust me, and we don't care
what gets lost in the process - it's collateral damage. We'll cry over
that later but first, we need what we need.
Now that the presidency has released a statement, expressing that “he really loves his wife,” we can say her moves paid off.
Congrats man, and please save us these domestic dramas in the future.
On a final note, a spin to this whole saga is that these folks could be playing 'House of Cards' on us you know?
Act divided... lure enemies of the state/President to Aisha... identify them, assemble them and eliminate them. .. Classic!
I really hope this is the case. Or maybe I watch too many Power movies. Lol
ABOUT THE WRITERS
Bola
Yinka-Obebe is a creative entrepreneur, a wife, mother and a believer
in the female specie.She believes in the powers of a woman and the
application of the same.
Yinka
Obebe is a Media Entrepreneur. A husband, father and a story teller.
He explores the beauty of the world through his lens and words and
shares it without holding back.
Together
they believe in the institution of marriage, the unity, harmony and
blessings of the same and think the world should focus on more
positivity.
Follow them on Instagram:
Bola Yinka-Obebe: @bolayinkaobebe
Yinka Obebe: @yinkaobebe